For those of you who have never cleaned out a loved one's home after their passing, let me tell you - it's both physically laborious and emotionally gut-wrenching.

EDITOR’S NOTE:

I first shared this article as a social media post on December 14, 2020, shortly after my grandmother passed away. If you’ve recently experienced grief and loss, I pray my words bring comfort and courage to you in this time.

-Mica

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I'm back in the office today after our trip to North Carolina where we spent nearly a week helping my uncle clean out my grandparents' family home. That was perhaps one of the hardest emotional weeks I've ever had, but it was also a beautiful gift of closure.

For those of you who have never cleaned out a loved one's home after their passing, let me tell you - it's both physically laborious and emotionally gut-wrenching. It's a sacred and intimate experience that not only honors the deceased and supports the closest family relatives in a practical and meaningful way, but it also helps to process the personal work of grief. Each item needing to be organized, tossed, saved, stored, given, or distributed is attached to a memory--and with each decision of that item comes a wave of tears as that loved one's life is remembered, cherished, and released. This labor of love is both painful and healing at the same time.

My grandparents built their family home 50 years ago on a piece of ancestral land in the heart of the Smoky Mountains and purchased it from my great-grandmother. A document I found while cleaning out her things stated that my grandparents decided on that particular lot because it had an area of land where they could garden. And oh, how much they loved their garden! My grandfather would tend to it daily during the different seasons and my grandmother would can and store all their delicious produce. She even made a special "grape hull" jelly from their miniature vineyard.

During our time of cleaning, we ran across the original blueprints of the house...I could imagine my grandparents--who would have been about my age at the time--drafting the house of their dreams. Having already gone through that experience together with Jeff just a few short years ago, I could imagine how exciting it must have been for them as they planned each and every meticulous detail. What a sense of adventure and fulfillment they must have felt as they built their forever home as husband and wife.

Of course, staying in the same residence for 50 years results in a house full of well...stuff. And lots of it! But in the midst of the clutter, we discovered so many treasures that told the story of my grandparents' life together. My grandmother was a historian and writer in her own right, and she documented everything! We found boxes of newspaper clippings, family history documents, travel journals, photos, heirloom china, books... Each piece brought new light onto who they were as people and how they truly loved life. Jeff even found a few old calendars from years gone by...both he and I were amazed at how full their lives were, even as empty-nesters and retirees. The pages documented dozens of social activities, trips, church events, visits with friends and family... Both my grandparents were so open to life and joy--and they clearly made a choice to appreciate the gift every single day brought them and to live it to the fullest.

We found boxes of newspaper clippings, family history documents, travel journals, photos, heirloom china, books... Each piece brought new light onto who they were as people and how they truly loved life.

Because my grandparents grew up in a community that has been home to my ancestors since the late 1700s, they also had a house full of family history books, photos, and documents. We even found an old valise my great-grandmother had passed along to my grandmother that held love letters from my great-grandparents in the late 1920s and love letters from my great-great grandparents dating back to 1909! In my grandmother's cedar chest, I later found my grandmother's handwritten 7th grade valedictorian speech and a couple of essays she wrote in 1944 and 1945 on "Christmas in Wartime" and "Christmas in Peacetime" respectively. Her words from over 75 years ago brought so much needed perspective to me even during this difficult Christmas of 2020.

On our last day in North Carolina, we walked up the cemetery steps with my uncle and visited my grandparents' gravesite. Our final gift to them was a dozen red roses we laid near their tombstone. As heart-wrenching as it was to say goodbye, I know that they are together forever with Jesus in Heaven. It's going to be a long time until I see them on that side of eternity, and I will forever miss their love, friendship, and stories here on earth.

When we came back to Tulsa, I unpacked a few little "treasures" from their home and found some places to honor their memory and our relationship for many years to come. Somehow, it makes them feel closer and still a part of my life. When I see their wedding photo on my piano, make a dish from one of my grandmother's handwritten recipe cards, flip through their travel journals (she was a travel blogger before it was cool!), play a hymn from my Grandfather's Broadman Hymnal, or wear one of my grandmother's old costume jewelry pieces, I will remember them fondly. A tear or two may be shed, but as time goes by, I expect the tears will be replaced with smiles and joy as the pain of their loss subsides and the hope of Heaven shines through.

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